The Future King of England

A One-Act Play

by Tori DiPasquale

Characters

Prince Oliver, 16, heavily influenced by the anti-imperialist rock music scene popular at the time. Rebellious, but unable to really show it because of his royal lifestyle. Desperate to escape the shackles of the British monarchy.

Simcox, nonspecific age, he’s a royal guard, serves as comic relief, not particularly full of personality. 

Rocker, no specifics other than he wears a leather jacket with slicked back hair, says his line angrily

Hippie, no specifics other than they have long hair and dress like John Lennon in 1968, says their line sincerely and with good intentions

Random person #1, dressed in classic sixties garb, stumbles on stage, vomits

Setting: Very large room, ornately decorated. It looks old, though. Lots of gold details, unmistakably royal. Thinking The Crown kind of set design. We’re in England circa 1969. The bedroom has several posters of bands like The Kinks, The Who, Jimi Hendrix, and others from every section of 60’s subculture clumsily taped up above the bed which sits to the left of the stage with a large door placed opposite it. Next to the bed there’s a large window with the curtains drawn. Under the window sits a very retro looking record case. It’s long and rectangular with speakers and a turntable sat on top of it. The cupboard underneath is slightly open revealing tons of record sleeves. 

Act I, Scene 1

It is the evening. Oliver lays on his stomach in his bed flipping through a copy of Rolling Stone Magazine. It is the People’s Park edition. A royal guard (Simcox) stands attentively near the door. 

OLIVER

I’ve read this copy a hundred times now, Simcox. When is the next one coming in?

(Simcox stands still and doesn’t say a word for this whole scene unless instructed otherwise)

I know, I know I get them a month later than everybody else. Can you imagine how embarrassing that is? Imagine learning about “Tommy” after everyone’s already heard it? How’s a kid supposed to be 16 in this family? Windsor Palace is no place to be a teenager. I have a royal guard in my bedroom for christ’s sake! I wish I could just do whatever I want!

(He flops off the bed like a toddler would, and stumbles over to the record player. He puts on a record and Victoria by The Kinks starts playing softly in the background. He smiles to himself)

I want to rebel… Look at this magazine. I’d rather get my head bashed in by a bobby than stay in this place. All those people singing at Woodstock, man, they knew what they were talking about… Isn’t this new Kinks album great!

(He shuts his eyes listening to the record. He sings and hums along softly)

This song is so catchy, I’m going to be singing it for days.

(He belts out a bit of the chorus, but stops suddenly. His face drops and he slumps over)

I forgot it was mum who they’re talking about. (suddenly angry) Why can’t they make fun of someone else! I’ll turn on something with a little more respect for our queen. 

(He stands up and rips the needle off the record. A loud scratching sound can be heard. He puts on “My Generation” by The Who and turns to face the audience, smiling. He begins to dance, 60s style mod dancing, lots of twisting and head bobbing. He sings along with the stuttered lyrics. This lasts about 1 minute. While this is happening, Simcox stares on with wide eyes. He looks out into the audience making eye contact with them and kind of motioning over to Oliver and rolling his eyes. The song fades out. Oliver falls to his knees at the side of the bed in a state of despair.)

I wish I could get out of here.

(Oliver is crying. Simcox, hearing this, shuffles over towards the door, now standing directly in front of it rather than to the side. Oliver turns to look at him)

Don’t worry, I won’t get you in trouble Simcox. I’ll stay right here. For now.

SIMCOX

(Under his breath)

Thank god

OLIVER

What did you say?

(Pause as Simcox readjusts himself to be standing as straight and rigid as humanly possible. He’s silent) 

God dammit Simcox

(Oliver says this in a really frustrated manner. He just wants to be listened to. Oliver wipes his tears and stands up)

I wish I didn’t have all of this stuff. It’s not as fun as it seems. I’m so bogged down by this family! I feel like a bird in a cage. I just want to fly!

(Extremely dramatic moment, but cliche. Over the top so it reads as comical. Simcox stomps his foot on the ground indicating to Oliver that he has gone too far)

What? It sucks being a Prince!

(Simcox tilts his head and puts his hand on his hip as if asking “how?”)

I have no freedom. All I do is go to school, play football, do homework, go to school, play football, do homework, go to school, play football, do homework. 

(He ends this line yelling)

It’s just infuriating. I’m watching the world go through massive revolutionary changes, and not only can I not participate in it I am complicit in its opposition. My family is what they are all battling against and I want to help them destroy it. I really do, Simcox. All those men smashing guitars and singing about sex, drugs, and freedom are right. Society is shifting in the exact way I want it to and I just wish I could help it move along. It just feels so hopeless to even try. Youth culture has never been like this in the history of the world, yet here I stand trapped inside a palace built in the year 1000! Literally! But, I need to find some hope. That’s all I’m trying to say, man. If I just had the chance to go out and experience what’s happening now, right now, in person maybe I could find a way to help the culture. 

(Oliver sits on his bed with his head in his hands. He’s crying, again)

You know who I feel like Simcox? Huh, do you? 

(Simcox shrugs his shoulders, sceptical of where Oliver is taking this)

I feel like Major Tom. 

(He stands up tall like he’s about to give a speech but pauses and holds up his finger)

Hold on. Have to get the right soundtrack on, you know.

(He goes over to the record player and puts on “Space Oddity” by David Bowie. He then gets back into his position, which is reminiscent of George Washington on the Delaware)

I’m all cooped up in a rocket floating far above the Earth. Just floating like a tin can! I’m going to die up here Simcox!

(During this moment Simcox is getting more into what Oliver is saying. He’s nodding along and getting more enthusiastic)

I’m going to die in this god forsaken castle just like Major Tom died in that spaceship, or whatever! It’s all over for me, Simcox. Please keep my memory alive. 

(He says all of this speech as he’s slowly falling to the ground. All very dramatic with lots of gestures and intense, figurative dance like movements. At the end of this line he should be lying on the ground)

Tell my wife I love her very much!

(Oliver’s hand raises up during this line grasping the air. The music should match up to when he says this)

SIMCOX

She know-oh-oh-oh-s!

(Simcox belts out this line of the song with his hand on his heart. He’s fully into it now and drops to his knees loudly weeping. Oliver quickly sits up and turns around. Simcox eventually stops weeping and looks up, noticing Oliver staring at him. Oliver is giggling at the guard. Simcox shoots up, locking himself back into his stoic position. He pulls out a hanky and blows his nose before returning fully back to normal)

OLIVER

Wow, Simcox! I had no idea you loved Bowie so much!

(Simcox nods vigorously and blows his nose once more)

See we’re not so different you and I. You like the same music I do. Why, I think if I put on Jefferson Airplane you’d be nodding along just like all those acid heads I see on tv. Huh, wouldn’t you Simcox. Huh, huh.

(Oliver nudges Simcox on the shoulder who lets out a little bit of a grin)

See I knew it! Now come on old sport, help a fellow alt rocker out and find a way to get me out of this dump.

(Simcox shakes his head no in a somewhat hesitant movement)

Oh come on! Don’t you want to help a teenager enjoy their youth? Didn’t you ever commit an act of rebellion, Simcox?

(Simcox shakes his head again, this time with a little more force)

I can make it worth your while you know. Despite my distaste for the monarchy, I am still a prince. A prince who can make all your worries go away with just a snap of my fingers.

(Oliver delivers these lines like a cartoon villain, very over the top. Simcox shakes his head extremely forcefully. Oliver collapses to the ground in defeat)

Why won’t you help me have fun!? It’s the summer of 69’ and I’m cooped up in a castle. Yeah it’s like I said, I want to help the cause or whatever but I’ve never even been to a concert before! And with The Beatles breaking up who knows which bands are going to be around by the time I leave here. If I never get to see Jimi in real life you might as well just send me to the gallows because I won’t have anything left to live for!

(During this line he kind of hugs the wall where the poster of Jimi. His face gets smashed up against the poster)

If something in my life doesn’t drastically change right now I will jump out this window.

(Simcox dashes over to the window standing in front of it)

You can’t stop me Simcox, I’m determined to live my life to the fullest. I, Oliver Mountbatten, am going to attend a party this very evening. I will meet other teenagers and dance and even, get this, smoke cigarettes. 

(Simcox gasps and covers his mouth at the thought of this notion. Oliver turns around with his back to the audience and pulls out sunglasses. He turns around and puts them on like in a cop show as he delivers this next line)

I’m going to rebel.

(Oliver holds a cool pose, preferably finger guns, for a moment. The stage goes dark for just enough time for a rope fashioned out of dress shirts and pants to be brought on stage and pushed somewhat out of the window. A disembodied voice says, “three hours later”.)

Act I, Scene 2

The lights come up revealing Oliver standing over the window holding his homemade escape device, which has been attached to his bed post. Simcox is standing by the door biting his fingernails out of worry and hopping up and down on his feet like a kid who has to go pee.

OLIVER

This is it Simcox! I’m going to descend from this window, down the walls of Windsor Palace all the way to my destiny. I know you have orders from my parents to keep me from going out that door but they never said I couldn’t leave out the window! Goodbye ol’ chum, I’ll see you on the flip side.

(He flashes a peace sign and throws one leg out of the window. Slowly he lowers himself down the rope going out of sight. Simcox drops to his knees looking shocked and terrified. Suddenly Oliver comes crawling back through the window, huffing and panting as he pulls himself back into the room.)

I had no idea we were up this high. 

(Simcox runs up to him and hugs him, lifting Oliver off of his feet)

Awe, I’m ok Simcox. It’s all going to be ok. You can put me down now!

(Simcox drops the prince and walks over to the window, slamming it shut)

You can slam that window and guard that door all you want, but I’m determined to get out now. There’s nothing in the world that could stop me. 

SIMCOX

Fine, sir. I’ll assist his majesty in escaping the palace, but only on one condition.

(This time Oliver runs up to Simcox and hugs him. He tries to pick him up but he is unable and just struggles for a moment before giving up and just hugging him some more. The next few lines should be delivered while they are hugging)

OLIVER

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, Simcox! What’s the condition? I’ll do anything you want, just help me get out!

SIMCOX

Alright sir, all I need is for you to take me with you. 

(Oliver breaks up the hug and backs away slowly)

OLIVER

I’m not really sure about that. I mean, don’t get me wrong Simcox I love ya, I think you’re just great, but what kind of impression will I be making when I show up to an underground pub with a royal guard? I hate to exclude you but I don’t really think this is your scene.

SIMCOX

Oh, but that’s where you’re mistaken sir. For I, Alfred Simcox, am a well known hippie.

(Simcox takes off his Guards hat revealing ridiculously long hair. There is a flower pinned in his hair as well)

I know you think I live my life entirely as a servant of the monarchy, but us servants have lives too. You were right when you said I was one of those acid heads on the tele. By night I am tasked to protect you but by day, oh by day, I kick back, listen to records, and get as high as humanly possible.

(Oliver is standing with his mouth agape. With every word that Simcox says he gets more visibly shocked. When Simcox says he gets high, Oliver faints onto the bed. Simcox walks over to him and gently slaps him on the face waking Oliver up)

OLIVER

Oh. My. God. I had no idea. I can’t believe you never told me this, Simcox.

SIMCOX

I mean I only spoke my first words to you like five minutes ago, I didn’t really have a chance to tell y-

OLIVER

Forget all of that, I can’t believe I didn’t notice your hair! Look at those luscious flowing locks! Personally I prefer a shorter, more mop top style but one has to admire the dedication it takes to get your hair to this level. I commend you.

(Oliver salutes Simcox, prompting him to salute back in a very professional manner)

SIMCOX

Thank you very much, sir. Now if we are going to do this we’re going to have to move quickly. I can smuggle us out through the servants quarters but I’m going to have to get you a disguise. Just give me a few minutes and I think I can rustle up an extra uniform. While I do that, however, I need you to make it look as though there’s someone in your bed. 

OLIVER

I’m sorry, what mate?

SIMCOX

I’m willing to help you experience all that life has to offer, sir, but I’m not willing to lose my job. Just make it look like there’s someone in your bed so if someone comes to check on you they think you’re still there. 

OLIVER

Ah, I get the picture. God, I feel like I’m in a James Bond film. 

(Doing a terrible James Bond/Sean Connery impression)

Shaken not stirred.

(Simcox doesn’t respond to this botched joke. Oliver shifts uncomfortably after it doesn’t land.)

You know, like how he gets his drinks.

SIMCOX

Oh I understand, sir. 

OLIVER

Nevermind. You go get that uniform and I’ll figure out something here. 

(Lights go down as Simcox walks out the door.)

Act I, Scene 3

The lights come up on Oliver putting his blankets overtop of a few pillows making it appear that something is lying in the bed. Simcox walks in holding an extra Guard’s hat and jacket.

SIMCOX

Right sir, that’ll have to do.

OLIVER

Alright, that’s enough with all this sir stuff. I’m a sixteen year old kid not some businessman. Call me Oliver, or even mate if you want. We’re buddies now, Simcox, we ought to treat each other like such.

(Oliver throws his arm around Simcox’s shoulders in a show of camaraderie. Simcox grins)

SIMCOX

Well in that case sir you can call me Alfred.

(He reaches out for a handshake but Oliver doesn’t return it)

OLIVER

No, that doesn’t quite sound right. Anyways, Simcox, let me see those clothes. 

(Simcox hands them over and Oliver examines them. He puts on the hat which is quite large on his head, and the jacket which swallows him up almost entirely)

SIMCOX

Sorry, Oliver. All they had was an extra extra large.

OLIVER

(Oliver is beaming underneath the giant hat)

It’s wonderful! Simply marvelous, Simcox. I can finally leave! Oh god, but what to wear after we get out and live my life.

SIMCOX

Well that all depends on what group you’d like to be involved in. As you know there are the rockers, the hippies, the druggies, although everyone is kind of a druggie. Perhaps you’d like to be a member of the Mods?

OLIVER

Oh yes! I’m desperate to be a mod, riding around on scooters, seeing shows, dancing, getting into fights. Sounds absolutely lovely.

SIMCOX

Wonderful, well we’ll need to get you a suit then.

OLIVER

Hold on a second buddy. I have just the look. 

(Oliver kneels down beside the bed and roots around underneath it for a moment. He slides out a box with a big gold lock on it)

I’ve been saving it for this exact moment. 

(He unlocks the box and holds up a plum colored blazer. A similar suit to the one Jimmy wears in the movie Quadrophenia)

SIMCOX

Incredible, Oliver. Well, with that settled, do you think it’s time we go?

OLIVER

I think I’m ready. Let’s hit the town!

(Oliver throws on the oversized jacket and hat. They head out the door and the lights go dark)

Act I, Scene 4

Set design for this scene should include one street lamp and a phone booth. Throughout the whole scene, unless specified otherwise, groovy instrumental music should be playing softly in the background. It should sound as if it is drifting up from some underground club somewhere along the street. Oliver and Simcox come running out onto the stage. They stop in the middle and stand wheezing, trying to catch their breath. 

OLIVER

Good god, mate! That was a close one!

SIMCOX

I know! That was insane, we almost got caught like ten times!

OLIVER

That was scary. Did you see that one guy? He definitely knew it was me, I thought I was going to have to make a run for it.

SIMCOX

Welp, no use talking about it now. We were there, it’s not like we didn’t see it! 

(They laugh for a moment)

Anyways, here it is my young friend! The cultural center of England. Soho!

OLIVER

It’s so beautiful, I could cry. 

(He takes off the guards hat and coat revealing his special, plum suit. He walks around the stage looking all around in wonderment)

God it’s just how I pictured it. Look at all these people. People my age enjoying their life and their freedom. It’s so wonderful this is exactly how society is supposed to function. 

(Just then RANDOM PERSON #1 walks past in a leather jacket, clearly a rocker. He looks Oliver up and down and then delivers the next line)

ROCKER

Oi! Mate! You look like a right wanker in that suit.

(The man walks off stage without another word. Simcox rushes over to Oliver. Just then RANDOM PERSON #2 dressed more like a hippie walks on stage. He should look like John Lennon circa 1968)

HIPPIE

Peace on Earth and death to the Queen, am I right little man?

(The man flashes a peace sign and walks off)

SIMCOX

Oh Oliver, are you ok? How dare they say those things! If only they knew who they were talking to.

(Several people walk on stage in a group. They drop trash on the ground and yell obscenities while walking off the other side of the stage)

OLIVER

Tell me, Simcox.

(Oliver wipes away some tears)

Is the world always like this? Is this really how people act?

(Just as he asks this RANDOM PERSON #1 walks on stage, goes over to Oliver, and throws up on his feet. The man stands up straight, faces the audience, and wipes his mouth. Without a word he walks off stage)

SIMCOX

(He pauses before answering, taking in what just happened. He tries to start a sentence a few times but can’t quite get the words right. Finally he lets it out)

Yes.

OLIVER

(He sighs)

Simcox, I know we just went through a very exciting and theatrical journey to get here, but I think maybe it’s all been a mistake. I mean, let’s be honest. I’m not really cut out for this kind of thing, am I. When you’re raised in such a protected environment it can be hard to face reality. I know I said I wanted to be normal, and have freedom, and blah blah blah but I didn’t realize people got no respect in real life. I think I’d just prefer to keep romanticizing it and enjoy my special privileges, as awful as that sounds.

SIMCOX

You know what? I think you’re right. If I could live without any worries, especially in this modern day, I would. Shall we go back to Windsor, sir?

OLIVER

We shall.

(The two walk off stage as “Rock and Roll” by The Velvet Underground plays)